It’s been awhile since I wrote. Since you know me, it may come as a bit of a surprise to hear that I’ve found myself at a loss for words! It’s not that there are NO words to capture and express all that is going on — instead it seems it’s all been said and I have nothing new to add. Still, I feel a strong pull to reach out and share a bit of my news and to invite you to let me know how you are doing. I always enjoy hearing from you.

I stumbled upon an interesting article during the early days of sheltering and physical distancing (a term I prefer to social distancing) that explained, “toxic positivity.” I found the concept compelling because it seemed such a contradiction. How can positivity be toxic? As it turns out — and this really resonates with me — too much advice and encouragement around “staying positive” and “focus on gratitude” can lead to denial of the complexity of all the emotions and feelings one can experience at once – even in the best of times. In other words, if one is both grateful to be feeling well and terrified of family or friends getting sick, and delighting in the freedom of an uncluttered calendar and frustrated by the elimination of much of what we used to enjoy, and feeling energized by creative ideas and saddened by a total lack of will, and heartened by a “light at the end of the tunnel” while grieving the incredible loss of life… well, that’s actually quite normal. The human brain is extremely complex and able to process multiple and seemingly contradicting emotions. 

Holding space for heavy, difficult emotions by taking time and steps — like sitting with and naming the feelings, journaling, quiet breathing, mindful meditation, self-care, and/or talking to trusted family and friends – is essential. After all, heavy feelings generally don’t just disappear because we’re trying to ignore or suppress them. Give yourself time and care as you navigate these challenging times. And, as you are able, balance the holding of difficult emotions with acknowledgement and appreciation of those things you feel grateful for and the delights or joys you find in living when you specifically look. Sometimes, turning to nature can help. In times of such uncertainty it’s nice to remember that the sun continues to rise and set, the moon to wax and wane, the tides to ebb and flow … and to sometimes specifically ask yourself, what is good in my life?

In a nutshell, you can manage toxic positivity by acknowledging and normalizing that multiple complex emotions can exist in you all at one time. And it’s perfectly OKAY. I’m sure I’m over-simplifying this, still, understanding toxic positivity has brought me some peace and my hope is that it may comfort you too. I’m practicing acceptance around being angry and glad and bewildered and content and busy and bored. Sounds crazy! But it’s not. Phew!

As we round the corner approaching the end of 2020 I extend my heartfelt wish that you are finding ways to stay safe and truly well. And, I invite you to keep in touch and let me know how you are managing. I’ve been doing lots of walking and gardening and continue to teach and practice Qi Gong. If you’d like to be in the loop regarding Qi Gong, sign up for that mailing list. 

Until we meet again, be well,

Denise